Experts
DR. D. FIELDS
Dr. Fields consistently takes full credit for the emergence of Devolution as a significant field of academic study.
Although Fields and his colleagues at the Institute of Devolutionary Studies have parted ways in recent years, he maintains that the separation was amicable.
Doctors Monk and Cornelius of the Institute say otherwise. Fields is currently embattled with the Institute in a string of lawsuits over the "Devolution" trademark. An amateur sommelier in his own right, Fields is a genetic paleontologist by training. As a tenured editor for Gen-What? Magazine, he has published numerous papers on the genetic link between adopted children and their adoptive parents, a link that most of the scientific community will tell you most certainly does not exist. Fields has been married four times, but has no offspring. He enjoys spending time with his pet iguana.
PROFESSOR THELONIUS MONK
Professor Monk co-founded the Institute of Devolutionary Studies in 1976 when the first evidence of widespread devolution was manifesting itself in human populations: an increased rate of public genital scratching on the New York City subway. Monk knew instantly that this was more than just an outbreak of crotch itch, but rather a bleak sign of the evolutionary reversal to come. Known throughout the scientific community for his "no holds barred" "tell it like it is" "take no prisoners" "lower the flag" "send in the cavalry" "chicken and stove top" attitude, Monk has made a career out of worst case scenarios schemagraphic assessments. He enjoys Mediterranean cooking, conspiracy theories, and arguing that the glass is half empty.
DR. J. D. CORNELIUS
Dr. J. D. Cornelius is cofounder of the Institute of Devolutionary Studies and the Institutes Professor Emeritus of Psychotopography. A lifelong student of Kung fu, Cornelius incorporates Eastern thought into his field studies. He spent seven years cataloging the purported devolution of fruit flies before ultimately coming to the conclusion that devolution is a human-specific phenomenon that does not affect fruit flies whatsoever. Nonetheless, Cornelius credits his time in the lab with the fruit flies as "integral" to all future attempts to prognosticate the possible future devolutionary patterns of all members of the Diptera order. Cornelius is a recovering sexaholic.
JAMES MCDORMINSONIMINIM
James McDorminsoniminim is most famous for his nationally syndicated nightly radio show God's On First, I Don't Know's On Second. His radio show has become quite famous for the catchphrase with which he ends each broadcast: "There's no science in the hellfire!" A self-proclaimed creationist who claims that science is a load of "hooey", McDorminsoniminim believes that what we're seeing of human devolution has everything to do with God's reemergence as an almighty force of vengeance and wrath. McDorminsoniminim lives in Bakersfield, California, where he enjoys baking fresh breads.
REN FELDSPA
Ren Feldspa is Adjunct Professor of Biology at the University of El Paso. Feldspa has spoken at various international science conferences about devolutionary growth patterns and their prevalence in various population densities. Feldspa's connection to devolution is a personal one. His wife Ingrid, a former hair model, was diagnosed with Stage 4 Devolutionary Condensation Syndrome in 2003. She has devolved into early primate form and currently lives in what could best be described as the body of a midsized Hominidae Ape. According to Feldspa, Ingrid maintains "limited human motor ability" and can communicate with her husband through a system of pulley tugs. With a regiment of multioxivascular biotics and hormonal reticin suppressors, Feldspa and his wife Ingrid are able to maintain a relatively "normal" sex life. They live in El Paso with their three teenaged daughters and a border collie named Muzzy.
BARABUS ST. JAMES
Barabus St. James is Professor of BioRhythmic Anthropology at the University of Honolulu. A native of Hawaii, St. James was a child model. He was named Mr. Hawaiian Tropic in 1993. St. James studied geo-fractal correlations in devolutionary systemetics at the University of Southern Nottingham and received his PhD in 2000. His specific area of expertise is the role seismic shifting plays in expediting the reversal in Darwin's evolutionary paradigm. Findings were inconclusive. St. James is an avid reader of fantasy and science fiction. He can be reached via IM at barabee69.